Life 2

Friends and family are what it's all about!!!!!!! :-)

and GOD.....

Life

Ya know........life is a series of contradictions. It's a roller coaster of ups and downs, good days and bad days. Heartache one day, true love the next or even tragedy. Maybe even all in the same day but that's what makes it so RICH! The irony, the contradictions and the confusion. But in the end, I have dicsoverd that only one thing truly matters.....love. The love that you give to others and the comfort in knowing that you have made a difference with someone or made an impact that is not forgotten. 

Which brings me to my biggest fear in life. Being forgotten after I'm gone. It sounds trivial but that truly does stick with me.  A friend told me recently to stop talking about dying or my "you know what" was going to get kicked! :-). Well, just because I talk about it doesn't mean I'm giving up. One of my favorite come backs is "I ain't dead yet!" That is oh so true! I am far from it. My intention is to be around at least another 20 years. I've got too much going on and intend to have too much going on for quite some time.

The Lord has blessed me so far with the time he has given me and the friends that I have. There are oh so many out there that have unselfishly given their infinite support. And I can honestly say that without it, I would have died last year. So, a very genuine and heartfelt "thank you" to all of you. You have all made life so much sweeter for me and I hope to do the same for you. 

Deep Thoughts

After almost 25 years as a police officer, I never thought that a disease would take me. I always wanted to die in the line of duty.......and I may still. But there are times when I am regretful of that possibility. Sometimes it scares the beejesus out of me and sometimes I feel so strong that nothing can deter me from living life to the fullest everyday. 

I can honestly say I have learned to live in the present and let go of the past........and don't think so much about the future. I have a close friend that loves the latest Eckhart Tolle book, "A New Earth."  In it, Tolle explains the concept of living in the moment and allowing the ego to dictate our lives and the choices we make. Very deep but it's truly a simple concept; many just don't stop to think about it.  

LIVE IN THE MOMENT and never look back! I would like to leave this earth with as few regrets as possible so.........................I'm going to take more chances........ 

Background

A little background information is probably appropriate at this point.  I've enjoyed a relatively quiet life when it comes to my health. Never had a broken bone, never been in the hospital, and rarely ever sick. Always been a fitness nut and health conscious.  I don't drink or smoke. I'm a police officer so drugs are obviously out of the picture.  So, to go from the of picture of health (running half marathon races) to the worst end of the spectrum was a shock. I spend most of my free time either in the gym or outdoors so being sick with cancer just didn't fit into my life!

I was diagnosed in May of last year after a hysterectomy. My doctor was just as shocked as me. If it had not been for the surgery, I would not have been diagnosed til it was too late. It's crappy having cancer but it's better than being dead at the ripe old age of 45. 

I have so much more on my mind but I don't have it all organized in my head yet. I've learned so much in the last year but yet; still confused. I wondered the other day how I could feel so alone when I'm surrounds by so many who love me............................?

The Beginning

My life changed so much in May of 2007 that I really had no idea what I was in for. I went from a completely healthy and fit 45 year old woman running half marathon races to a victim of a dreaded disease that no one wants to talk about.

But I can honestly say that my life has changed for the better even though I have had two close brushes with death. Okay, I know I sound crazy but there is some kind of comfort in knowing how I might leave this world. I have a new appreciation for life and living in the moment. Now.....just because I am comforted about my possible fate does not mean that I have given up the fight! I plan on being here another 20 years!!!! So...stay tuned