Late Night Stuff

It's late at night and I'm alone. I'm not sad..........I'm wondering how someone with cancer who is single attempts to initiate a relationship...let alone date.  How do you ask so much of another? To me, it's different than asking for companionship from friends. I'm asking someone to possibly care about me KNOWING I have a disease that may very well kill me in time.  I know............and I can be run over by a bus tomorrow. I get it but it's just not that easy for someone who may have to rely on chemo to keep her alive for the rest of her time on this earth! If anyone knows the magic answer, please don't hesitate to enlighten me. I'm trying not to do the pity party thing but there are times when it's not so easy to keep a smile on my face. Most of the time I joke but when I'm home after work alone.............it can be hard. But I can say it doesn't last very long so there is a bright side. And it could be much worse........I could be terminal with no hope. That is one thing I do have and I have never let go of.......................hope.